$$$$$!!!!one!!eleven!!!eleventyone!!!plusone!!!

I returned home from the holidays to find my first royalty check ever in my mailbox. After four years in print, my first book has finally turned a profit of a whole $68.84! Twenty-five copies sold last year put me over the top.

Somewhere out there is a professor I must thank for assigning my book (and, indeed, I have a sneaking suspicion of who it might be). Meanwhile, the damn thing has justified its existence financially!

The next one (that dreaded tourist book), according to Amazon.com, should be out on December 7th, a day that will no doubt live in infamy in regard to my persona in that town.

Another Historic Event on Thanksgiving

My Human (with whom I am spending this holiday) pointed out to me that Thanksgiving was on November 22 this year. November 22, this year, is the 44th anniversary of this:

Edited to add: See the post at Millard Filmore's Bathtub for a more thoughtful contemplation.

Hey, Pilgrims!

Rotten Teeth!

I have had two recurring bad dreams in my adult life. The first involves small animals that I have to protect, often from myself. The second involves rotting teeth. I actually haven't had either in a while. That is, until last night.

Last night, the rotting teeth dream returned with a vengence.

Usually, my teeth rot in my head, and that is the end of it. Last night, they began falling out. Not just singly, but in whole series, like partial dentures. Sometimes, the teeth themselves were white and healthy, they just fell out. At one point the entire front set came out, taking with them the roof of my mouth.

Then, my sinus cavities came out. They were like two, pod shaped plants with antennae on top. One was rotten and dying. I figured that one was the source of my migraines. They also had small, horn-shaped bits toward the front, which I somehow knew were evolutionary vestiges, like the appendix, that once had a function millions of years ago, but now serve no purpose.

At another point, the floor of my mouth also disappeared, and these tentacle-like organs popped out. I had to use my tongue to hold them down while also holding the upper guts of my head in place. This meant that I couldn't speak, so I couldn't call a dentist. I gestured wildly to people around me to make the call. As it turned out, I was actually quite fluent in sign language in this dream.

All of the people around me were all relatives and friends (or psuedofriends). They all knew what I needed; and they all wanted to help. They just couldn't find the time. "In a minute," they would say. "Just a second and let me get this done first."

As with many dreams, it didn't resolve itself. It just switched to another dream. Maybe I turned over.

Someone once told me that dreams about decaying teeth have something to do with impotence or feeling powerless. Rotting teeth also resonate with me because I haven't actually seen a dentist in about twenty years or more (I take care of my teeth, I just haven't had the insurance during most of that time, and now fear the cost and time of the repair work that will probably be involved).

These dreams actually started about twelve years ago, when I was taking my comprehensive exams (which, for those who don't know, are like the final exams for graduate school -- all of graduate school -- and our department treated them as a sink-or-swim hazing process). I've had them once or twice since then, but not in the regular, recurring way that I did then. I haven't had them in a while, and none were ever as surreal as this one.

I'll admit that I'm really quite stressed these past few weeks; but I'm being evaluated this week and the following week, so I think that this particular dream is in response to that. I HATE being evaluated, especially when I feel so exhausted and overextended. I keep telling myself that these are not people out to get me, but I am very adept at sabotaging myself and am too tired to fend off that part of myself. Also, some of the misteps that I made early in the semester are playing out in a way that is making me very frustrated in a way that makes me volley between feeling hostile toward my students and angry at myself for letting the situation develop in the first place. *

So, I last night, I think my subconcious just ganged up on me and told me how tired and freaked out I am feeling right now. Thanksgiving break will be a needed respite!

*An appalling rate of absences and tardiness that are just way out of control, in my opinion. Although I figured out how to fix them, I cannot do anything until next semester. If I had started them mid-semester, when they became a problem, I would just seem arbitrary. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with students who wander in 30 minutes late, if they show at all. I hate being all high school teacher about attendance and tardiness because I assume they are all adults and know that they should show up. Boy was that a mistake! So, I have to make attendance actually count in the grade. Juvenile, but necessary; but that is another story for another time.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I am swamped, like an alligator, like a creature from the Black Lagoon, like a person who overcommits herself because she totally underestimates her ability to manage her time and ends up having a freak-out about this time of year. Like me. Too many twelve hour days. "All work and no play..." Repeat for the length of a novel, like in Stephen King (or Stanley Kubrick). Like me.

But, when I have time, remind me to write about my students' inexplicable desire to do extra research to answer questions while totally ignoring the actual assigned reading for the exercise. Remind me to write about how I just found out that a guy I used to know was convicted of murder -- o.k. "manslaughter," but I remember him and it was probably really "murder." I don't really know where to put that information. Remind me to write about how the tourist book played out. Remind me to write about how I suddenly realized that (despite the twelve hour days) I'm right where I want to be. Remind me to write about how, despite being right where I want to be, I still haven't hung up but two pictures (and those just this weekend). Such is life!